The Dilemma

A bird may love a fish, but where would they live?

November 20, 2012

I bet anyone who reads this (and you know who you are...) will be super surprised to see a new post.  I almost forgot that I even had this blog, actually.  It has been over three years since I last posted.  Not that I have not has SERIOUS "contemplations"...but I guess I thought that they served a purpose elsewhere, instead of a blog.  I was wrong.

So, what am I contemplating?  Life.  Love.  Choices.  Habits.  Fears.  The usual, I guess.  It was so weird reading my earlier posts...they were literally from a different life.  How different my life is now!  I am alone, for all intents and purposes, now more than ever.  I venture off into the world of fiction, only to return exhausted and frustrated...but also elated and satifsfied.  I never knew that writing a book would ever be so difficult!  Reading and even analyzing one is so easy for me!  One would think I have read enough and analyzed enough that I should be able to mimic such beauty, but it is much more challenging than I ever imagined.  However, that makes the task that much more intriguing, I guess.

I could go on and on.  I could talk about how Laney just amazes me.  Or how living on my own has afforded me the opportunity to explore who I am.  But, instead, I will leave with a short poem for tonight.

“Our Death”

I hear the sun sigh

As she dips below the horizon

For the last time
In our life of love.
Her beauty – the depth of color,
The light warmth on faces
Of flowers-
Will all disappear
As dusk sets in,
As darkness prevails.
Cold will settle in the stone
And marble of our monuments,
And we will lose one another in the black night.
She will rise again-
This shining sphere,
But it will be another time
That is not ours.

One rotation-

From birth to death.

July 5

Haven't posted in a very long time. Sorry to all those who follow - HA.

Here's one:

Dancing in the darkness
With the midnight moon above
Mystifying
And meaningful.
Twirling in circles,
Spinning wheels
In my mind,
Delightful disorientation.
Fragmented whispers
From the wind through the leaves,
Lingering in my hair.
Youth captured
In a breath
Of remembrance.

June 22

For My Grandma

I discovered a stirring image of you today
Splashed on the screen of remembrance.
Laughing heartily at some precious thought
Only you and I were privy to.
It only took a moment of eternity
For the familiar sting to concede to
The Flow of Devastation that
Awaited
Always.

June 20

Chaos

Lights bouncing and slashing the scene …spinning and looping through the air

Fast-forward voices, nouns and verbs tossed into the drowning phrases

Thoughts racing, each fighting to break the surface of serenity

Pulse pounding in every crevice of flesh and locating the eardrum

Screams burning the throat and escaping the body that cannot suppress them any longer…

June 18

Laughter echoing the chambers of the heart
Mocking the pain that lingers
After the hollowing.

Ice paralyzing the fibers of nerves
As flames smother
And vitality ceases.

Darkness penetrating the iris of the eye
Choking the light of the soul
That once existed.

June 18

I fulfilled my domestic duty today and cleaned my house - again. It has only been a week and a half...but it looked more like a year and a half! How does a house do that??? Anyway, while scrubbing, I pondered the incessant nature of such a task. De ja vu at its worse. And for what? So that in two days it will look the exact same! UGH. It is certainly one of the less rewarding of motherly endeavors, I will have to admit. I do feel a sense of accomplishment when the house smells of pine-sol and Murphy's Oil Soap...but it is rather daunting to undertake.

Later in the afternoon, I went to the movies with Laney and some other family members to see Race to Witch Mountain which was okay at best. Now, it is 10:27, I have a headache, and I am going to bed soon. Tomorrow, I am going to the gym to workout (started doing that again this week...feels great!), then I get to work on my book for a few hours. Last night, it had me up several different times, jotting notes that I did not want to elude me when the sun forced me out of bed. I changed a bit of the beginning - switched the order of things - and wrote just a few other ideas. I decided that the marriage that the character was running from was more of a back-story that did not need so much attention. It should stay more of a mystery to the reader and only will be revealed when the male character probes her for the source of her sadness.

Well, off to dream land...one of my favorite places to visit...